Waking up
I have been asked a question on several occasions by parents, “Do I regret waking up?” Divorce or seperation for a child is normally a hard confusing adjustment to what the normal life is for them. When Parental Alienation is involved it becomes worse and the confusion can make you feel crazy. The cult like behaviors of alienation becomes a new substitute of memories and a withdrawn nature to the other parent.
During the “wake up time” I was angry with my dad and also angry with myself that I allowed myself to be fooled and keep a continued lie alive. This time in my life was truly a wake up time but it was also a feeling of some kind of peace to the nature of the beast. I think sometimes either way the situation was a bad one and will forever effect a child. In my case my anger turned from one parent to the other, Just like any friend or person that has done us wrong the feelings of anger and turmoil arise. The cost for a child is guilt and trust factors for society later on in life as an adult. They capture a new way to deal with interaction and society. I have suffered and had to conquer many obstacles in the area of alienation. Many children/adults do not take it to the level I have to expose or even understand the components of alienation in my life.
The numbers increase every year for parents and children coming to the conclusion that some form of alienation is or has happened in their family. In the past my line of thinking was not of my own direction but of another. Today I’m happy to say that I have been lucky enough to understand why and the extreme measures that were used in my life to “hate”my mom. My experiance in this process is not fully over until I see my brothers again.
To answer the question: Do I regret waking up?
I regret that alienation was in my life at all, because whether I woke up or not there is still pain and confusion that could of been prevented.
I share this pain. I have not seen my children for over a year now. I was draged through the Court System for 6 years. All six of those years I saw my children 1 hour a month at a Court Appointed Therapist. The Courts idea was to see if the Therapist could help us have a relationship. They even ordered the kids to come back to my home and had the Therapist drive them to my house. Once they were dropped off they would jump the fence and be picked up by thier Mom at the park near by. The courts did not do anything about this.
The Court after 2 years fired the Court Appointed Therapist to then Appoint another Therapist. Why they did this I still dont know. The court made an order that I could not come back to court and that I can see them at Therapist Visits or till they wanted to see me outside the Therapists office. The Court was worried that running away from my home they could get hurt.
The visits were very hard on me.
On one visit, the kids brought Head Sets to listen to music. They would not take them off. The therapist tried to get them to take them off so we could talk. I told the therapist after 30 Min. that I would wait in the Lobby. After the session was over the kids left. The Therapist told me for the remaining 30 Min they did not take off the head sets.
I just gave up and hope they will come around later.
My Kids are now 19 & 16.
John
My oldest daughter (19) is going through a hard time “connecting” with me – her birth mother, targeted parent of PAS. I spoke with her a week ago. We actually argued & disagreed because her dad put it in her head that I “left her” when it was him that took her out of state, re-married and never let me have contact for 13 years! Her dad “hid her away from me”. No pictures, phone calls, visits, nothing. Now I just recently got in touch with her and it is not easy. She says she doesn’t trust me. She says she wants to forgive me but she doesn’t know how. Talk about a knife through the heart!! I tried to reach out through emails. I have sent her web sites on children & parental alienation. I told her this is what happened to us. That I wanted to be in her life. That I sent cards, letters, presents, and I bet she didn’t get any of it. Her step mom & dad are the evil doers yet Koreen blames ME!!! I know I can’t force myself or the truth on her. But I keep praying she will see that I am a loving mother that doesn’t want to let another day go by without her in my life. This is so hard. Especially since I live in FL and she lives in IA. I’m afraid she won’t call me or email me ever again since I mentioned her dad & step mom being parental alienators & for keeping her out of my life for so long. I think she’s pretty upset at me & I might have lost her for good. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Do I just pull the plug on this one? Thanks for reading.
It is a very strange thing to live through. To have your children taken and have a large team of people involved with DCF and the court system try to overwhelm you. This is what happened to me nearly two years ago. DCF got a court order and showed up with two police officers, they took my kids and placed them in foster care for several days before putting them with my parents (whom I didn’t want caring for my kids for serious reason).
Then in May 2008 I agreed to a case plan in court. I tried to maintain this plan and fulfill the requirments ( parenting classes, counseling, psychiatric evaluations, and supervised visitis). The visits were constantly cancelled or rescheduled. During the visits social workers took notes and gave me dirty looks. They mishandled my kids mentally and physically. After seeing this I became upset and they ended the visit. They called the police several times claiming I was psychotic and a threat to my kids. They police reports read “there was no disturbance.” Nontheless, because of these false allegations they uprooted my kids again to a new foster home out of the county to “Protect them from their mentally unstable mother.” They judge said I would go to jail for 6 months if I went near my kids, but to make sure I got the point they moved them out of county. Eventually their father who never made one attempt at visiting them for a year of this ordeal showed up in court and claimed them. He was awarded my boys to him on a red carpet. The judge scratched out the initial case plan (which included batterers intervention, ordered by another judge in 2002) for their father and said it was to much of a burden for him financially. DCF is supposed to cover it according to the original case plan. Their father just claimed in court that he didn’t know anything about DCF’s involvment with his kids until he finally showed up in May 2009. DCF closed their case with my two boys on January 8th. The DCF judge ordered that visits to my boys be at their fathers sole judgement. So now, if their father doesn’t want to see me and my boys together, that’s exactally what is going to happen. If I go to his house he can call the police and say she doesn’t have any right to see the boys and I don’t want her to. The system is just as unfair and unpredictable as the dead beat father of my boys.