Alienation happens in many forms. Most people know it as parental alienation, but there are more forms that disrupt the family unit. When divorce happens it hits a child heart even if they are normal circumstances.  Plus there are alienation tactics that are used just in normal human behavior but in cases such as ours they become a foundation for a full blown war of revenge.

Growing up with my brothers was one of the only highlights in my childhood. We are all five years apart and had an interesting bond as siblings. They were a big part of my world. I was and still am proud of them. I always guarded their hearts and protected them any way I could as a big sister.  I have not seen them   since they were 10 and 5 years of age.  Something I live with to this day is not being there for them not by my choice but by my dad’s actions. I have sent the cards and the photos of their nephew and niece.  We all know the drill of how we try and regain contact.

What does a child lose out on and how are they affected when they lose the sibling they should have contact with? A child loses a piece of their heart just like the parent does just in a different way. My heart breaks every day that goes by and I don’t talk with either of them. I have lost memories and time that cannot be given back to me.  The understanding to this method of madness is unconceivable at times. Children ask questions all the time.  “Why can’t sister/brother talk to me?”  This is just one of the famous lines of questioning in these circumstances. Children like me feel as if we have failed as well.  It leaves a feeling of confusion but also an emotion that am I not good enough to be with my sibling. Why have they turned their back on me?  A child takes on this emotion as if it is by their own actions or doing.

I have lost out on prom, sports games, and the first girl I had to knock out for my brother and vice versa. I missed my youngest brother growing up; the list can go on and on. The simple words I love you here only go so far. I know I have an anger that I’m not in their lives if I had a phone call tomorrow I would be on a plane and there for whatever they needed.

Sibling alienation needs to be handled differently than others. I believe depending on the age of the children it is a more delicate situation. I know it is hard when you have your own pain but don’t forget about your other child who might also need you to remind them that it isn’t their fault and they haven’t done anything to make the sibling go away.

I would also recommend that they write a journal for their sibling. They can write memories and jokes etc to show them when they return so both children can feel that even know they were not there they still can picture it and make a memory. Keep them active and let them buy their own gift or card for the siblings as well. The memories they do have let them cherish as well. Sometimes during our own pain we forget the one’s around us and the pain they feel. If you are down and crying when your child’s name is mentioned, the other child will feel they cannot be open about their own struggles which can develop into inner resentment for the sibling.

To my brothers,

I love you with all my heart, I have never left you or been so far away that I can’t be reached. Time has stood still since you have been gone. I hold on to the smiles and the tears we have shared. We grow older and move on in our lives with our own families but nothing can take the place of my brothers. You never stand alone because I can always be by your side. I love you and miss you and NO ONE will take that from me!

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