Punished Silence
In the most recent months I have had some disturbing emails and friends concerned with what is going on in my life. I have made it a goal not to share the most recent events in my life and my silence has been hiding many factors surrounding my family. I have always shared about my life and have put my mother up on a pedestal leaving out many details. How does a child reach a point of bonding when there was only a fantasy of a true bond? There will be more to come about this story this week.
My readers know about my alienation with my step dad and how he did taint my relationship with my mother, Patty Woodall DiFebbo Larsen. The latest events are all on her own and the only person accountable would be her. My mother signed me off to be married at the age of 16. She states she thought I would just run off and get married anyway so she signed the papers allowing a 16 yr old to marry. (I have a 16 yr old son as well and would never attempt to do this and have realized how immature a child is at this age.) During this time in my life I married Daniel Chrzanowski Jr,a man whose own mother asked me not to marry her son because of his behavior and how he treated me. I spent 18 yrs filled with all forms of abuse from my ex. They range from rape, beatings, and emotional abuse. I stayed after he cheated on me and had a child through his two year affair. I left last year and have been watching behind the scenes as the lies get spread like a disease to my children from my own family as well as my ex.
My relationship with my mom has been rocky off and on for years but the latest acts are inexcusable from someone who says they are a Christian. My mother has hated my ex for some time and was pleased when I finally left. She was present for a phone call from my daughter where my ex pulled the same stunt my dad used on me years ago. He cried as my daughter held him quoting my father saying she left us etc. I fainted and took it hard and my mom seemed real in comforting me and even had ideas for me to take my kids away from this situation. She loved my new boyfriend and thanked him on a number of occasions and even called him her new son.
My ex who ran in his room when ever my parents came to visit was now having conversations with my mom and dad on how to make us work and get me to return home. My mom went from disliking him and his actions to believing he was a changed man after 18 yrs of torture in my life. I still wonder why and what mother would want her daughter to return to an abuser. In the beginning she was taking my children to church and giving me updates on them. This past Christmas my son asked me to return for Christmas and have a family Christmas. I took my daughter and did so and was stupid not fully knowing what I was walking into. I called the ex and said I would not be returning to him but for the kids for Christmas. On Christmas Eve the ex got on his knee and gave me a new ring the kind I always wanted from him. He would not tell me where he obtained this ring. He also told my mother that I was returning to him when I told him to call her. She was shocked when I called her and told her I stated I was there for the children. She was keeping in close contact with the ex and reporting activities to others and my ex. My mother also made a statement saying if he abuses her again we will be there for her. Um hello why would you even want me to return?
Christmas was over and I returned with my daughter and Lary to MI where me and my mom where having less contact. In Feb she wrote a letter to me asking forgiveness for her actions as I was hearing from others she was talking to about how my mother was talking behind my back and making statements like I think my daughter is Bi Polar or many other false statements. I did not respond to her forgiveness email right away and there was hell to pay for it. I was now told I always hurt her and she then put me in the same category as my dad which is a far reality from what I am. She had my friend go to the house where my ex is to pick up food from my mother and the ex and my mom talked about me and my life in a negative view. My mother even went over to my BF’s husband sitting in the car and said “Your wife will leave soon she is comforting Danny don’t be mad at her.” Now whose mother does all this to her own daughter as she claims to love me and be there when ever I need her? I called my mother about this and it was nothing short of our normal crap. She wanted communication but only on her terms. She lied and said it didn’t happen and made a number of excuses. Finally at the end of the call she said so what if I did talk to him, so what. She lied about some statements made and clamed I always had to be the victim. She said I was mean and bitter and a number of other insulting words so her lies wouldn’t be exposed. When she is on the spot it is always my fault and then she hides behind her Christianity and always acting naive when she knows what she is doing. I was told I should thank her for taking my kids and having her help them. To me if you’re helping me you share the truth and not expose the grandkids to lies about their mother.
Last June my daughter went to visit with her dad and we all agreed she would return on August 1, 2009. The weeks leading up to this date were interesting and also really exposed me to who my mom is. It was a sad day when I received a phone call from my daughter telling me that in 3 yrs I was going to be beat by my new boyfriend. I was shocked and confused. Then it comes out that she had breakfast with my mom at the local Denny’s. There were other statements made and about her past with my dad and tying them into my new relationship.
Now I will get into more detail in another blog but wanted to share my latest eye opening experience. I went to New Jersey a couple of weeks ago the reasoning I will share later and found out some things that I thought was almost surreal. That wedding ring my ex gave me a Christmas came from my mom. She bought it and gave it to my ex to give to me. She also told my daughter I was never beat but disciplined. She also made statements like your mother wants everyone to feel sympathy for her and her mouth just kept going to a 13 year old child. She wouldn’t talk to me at all but when I returned to NJ she was talking and telling me this is great you invested many years with him. My favorite was someday I will be teaching Marriage Counseling because of all I’ve been through and will make it work. So I leave you with this thought how can a mother use her grandchildren against their mother. Why would a mother conspire with her daughter’s abuser and why would she want me to return to a man who has stuck a knife to her throat, brutally raped her many occasions, controlled her an broke her to feel like she was nothing. What mother claims to love like Corinthians 13 and then throw her daughter under the bus too many people so she looks like the good one? I have given my mother my love and always will love her but I will not be silenced anymore about the truth and what reality is. I have walked away from my abuser and have been punished for doing so. My new boyfriend treats me like a queen and loves my son and daughter. In my mind I can’t understand why any mother who claims to love her child would now treat the abuser as her son and treat her daughter like the abuser. Why would my mother want me returning to a home where felons are there and my children being there as well?
