Parental Alienation and other forms of abuse seem to be handed down to our children and their children, meaning that it is generational. If every person takes a look back at their own family tree they will most likely see a pattern that was carried from their family.  For most of us we are facing or know someone who is facing parental alienation.

In my own family generational abuse has been passed down to me and it was very difficult to break the cycle. This is not the legacy we want for our children or family.  There are many stages of emotion when we really look at all the aspects not often talked about. In many situations we are forced into positions to hand a negative legacy to our children. Parental Alienation is a form of abuse and shatters any form of meaningful parenting to the child.

Education is always a key resource to understanding the parenting issues and how parental alienation is allowed to permeate into the family. In my opinion many parents look at the basics of alienation and are still confused by the mental and physical components surrounding their current situations.  There is more to be learned that goes deeper into understanding our children and their interaction with the Alienating Parent and the Target Parent. The subject before you is a revelation into the foundation of the alienator and their behavior patterns.

Parental Alienation has many factors that lead up to the outcome we have seen in our families. In my future blogs I will take this subject to a new level and also reflect back into my experience of breaking this cycle of abuse. Below is an article that shares how the abuse is carried from the parent to the child. These behaviors conforming the child to be co dependant and form habits that are considered risk factors. This is a trait that is then carried down to their children and forms criteria for generational abuse.

http://www.envf.port.ac.uk/illustration/IMAGES/vlsh/codepend/cycle.htm

Multi-generational cycle of abuse

While the roots of codependence are in the childhood experiences of abuse, it is the shame core that perpetuates the disease from generation to generation. Whenever the shame core gives its message of being ‘less than’ to a person, that person is automatically thinking, feeling and behaving as a codependent. A shame attack envelopes a parent and results in abuse to a child thus inducing the parent’s shame into the child. That child grows up and has the same problems as the parent. So the shame-based parent creates a shame-based child who grows up and begets another child who is set up to be shame-based. And the process goes on and on. And to make matters more complex and serious, when a child has two shame-based parents, he or she gets a double load. I think that’s why succeeding generations are getting more and more anxious and stressed as they experience compounded symptoms of codependence.”

Facing Codependence. Pia Mellody with Andrea Wells Miller and J. Keith Miller.Harper Collins 1989.

The initial site created used the marshmallow metaphor explored during BA and was a small interactive site effectively animating the potential behaviour these marshmallows might express in their relation to one another, and particularly the effects of the boundaries each had in relation to the others. The underlying theme was ‘rejection – protection – projection’ the cyclical phenomenon of abusive relationships and tied to the idea of ‘those have most power to hurt us that we love’

There are other components in the patterns of abuse on the site above. I have included these issues as they pertain to abuse and parental alienation. Keep in mind while reading these studies that both genders can experience abuse. I have included the definition of the Double Bind Theory below,

• A psychological impasse created when contradictory demands are made of an individual, such as a child or an employee, so that no matter which directive is followed, the response will be construed as incorrect.
• A situation in which a person must choose between equally unsatisfactory alternatives; a punishing and inescapable dilemma.Core theories which help to explain and contextualise what is happening when relationships are abusive arise from research into dysfunctional communicational patterns in the family. The main areas for research into the phenomenon of domestic violence and the abuse of power, and attempts to find a description for what is happening within the abusive relationship have yielded primarily, for the author, the Double Bind theory.

The model for Double-Bind theory was formulated during the 1950’s and published in 1956 as, ‘Toward a Theory of Schizophrenia’, by the anthropologist Gregory Bateson, Don Jackson, Jay Haley and John Weakland. The paper outlined a communicational theory on the origin and nature of schizophrenia and was based, as stated in the introduction, upon their research into ‘formulating and testing a broad systemic view of the nature, etiology and therapy of schizophrenia.’

Sluzki and Ransom write of the double bind:
“Double Bind is one of the revolutionary ideas of the twentieth century. While the notion arose originally from efforts to understand a specific problem – the etiology of schizophrenia – its scope is much wider…(it) has equally enriched psychiatry, psychology, sociology, linguistics and other related fields within the vast domain of the behavioural sciences.”

But they continue with a warning:

“Over the years the logical beauty of the concept has created an illusion of concreteness: it gives the impression of being a handy notion that can be plugged into many different models. But this under standing has led to many intellectual dead ends.”

Haley later writes that although the paper highlighted schizophrenia, it was also an argument for studying levels of communication within a broader range of human activity. He cites psychotherapy, play, humour, ritual, poetry, fiction and hypnosis.

As a model for levels of communication I would propose that Double Bind theory would apply equally well to problems people have in their communication patterns within relationships which become abusive. It will remain to be seen whether the application of this theory will lead to an intellectual dead end when applied to this phenomenon, but I would hasten to add that when applied to the visual description already posed the theory could be used fortuitously.

Reflections upon the theory and further research into the model have been undertaken. In 1975 Gina Abeles wrote a doctoral dissertation reviewing the research to date and a paper, ‘Researching the Unresearchable: Experimentation on the Double Bind’, based upon that was published in 1976

“The Double Bind theory is about relationships, and what happens when important basic relationships are chronically subjected to invalidation through paradoxical interaction.”

Researching the Unresearchable: Experimentation on the Double Bind. Gina Abeles.
Double Bind. The Foundation of the Communicational Approach to the Family. p116.
Paradoxical interaction, or the expression of two mutually exclusive messages creates ambivalence brought about by choices being available about which either or all partners have mixed feelings. The inability for either or any party to extricate themselves from the situation is central to the continuation of relationships in which there is abuse.

“Such a relationship is ‘untenable’ and would ordinarily be abandoned by both parties…this is not, however, always possible; in such cases we must recognise a quality of dependence in the relationship which, as Weakland (1960) Bateson (1969) and Wynne (1969) have emphasised, is crucial. A child is dependent for his physical and emotional survival upon his relationship with his parents” Ibid P120

Continuing from the themes of double bind and mutual stuck togetherness (Bowen) there began to emerge the theme of duality and the dyadic. Power abuse and the poles of the extremes; inferiority vs superiority, tower-cower, strong weak, big small, consciousness and subconsciousness.

The double-bind theory itself originally formulated in dyadic terms. There was a binder and there was one who was bound, although the reciprocal nature of the bind was acknowledged. The theory implicitly isolated a unit comprising two communicators, with the focus of interest the characteristic type of exchange between them.

As a result, a number of articles qualifying the original double bind theory began to emerge. Weakland was the first to break out of the dyadic mold, with a 1960 essay, ‘The double-bind Hypothesis of Schizophrenia and Three Party Interaction,’ …In 1962 the authors of the original double-bind article offered a critique that downplayed the focus on individual behaviours or single sequences in favor of the theory’s emphasis on circular systems in interpersonal relations.”

Bateson’s contribution was to offer an analogy from game theory for a type of behaviour that had been noticed frequently in families of schizophrenics. No two people could relate without a third becoming involved. This phenomenon Bateson called ‘the infinite dance of shifting coalitions.’

Foundations of family therapy. A conceptual framework for systems change, Lynn Hoffman. Basic Books Inc. 1981
To demonstrate the interaction of three or more people in a double bind Bateson called upon game theory, examining behavioural processes in situations of conflict and where the parties cannot agree.

“Game theory is a method for the study of decision making in situations of conflict. It deals with human processes in which the individual decision-unit is not in complete control of other decision-units entering into the environment. It is addressed to problems involving conflict, cooperation, or both, at many levels. The decision-unit may be an individual, a group, a formal or informal organisation, or a society. The stage may be set to reflect primarily political, psychological, sociological, economic or other aspects of human affairs….The essence of a’ game’ in this conflict is that it involves decision makers with different goals or objectives whose fates are intertwined.’
Game Theory and Related Approaches to Social Behaviour [(ed) Martin Shubik. Wiley, 1964]

The game metaphor, applied to interrelations and communicating, outlines a situation where two subjects with unhealthy boundaries (ie merged or competing) are interacting to win, to be right, (validated). – Unhealthy boundaries (of a codependent) being created by lack of validation or a feeling of being ‘less than’. So codependents playing the ‘game’ each have an interest to win. But in order for one to win the other has to lose, and in this analogy losing means being wrong (invalidated – ‘less than’) – and because there are incomplete boundaries there is no defence against the effect of losing the game. This, it appears, is in part what creates the schizophrenic. Complications occur in the game if more than two people are playing.

“Though the original double-bind described a two person arrangement, Bateson saw a way, through the game metaphor, to translate the concept into a particular kind of family organization. He argued that the untenable predicament of the schizophrenic could arise from having to participate in the interactional equivalent of Von Neumann’s game.

A robot would be insensitive to the fact that every reasonable solution he arrived at was immediately proven wrong. But human beings are not this insensitive. In fact, they have an inflexibility bestowed upon them by their greatest asset, their ability to learn – that is, their ability to acquire automatic responses to habitual problems.

Without this capacity, a person would be forever inventing solutions to each problem as if he were encountering it for the first time. This is why human beings have a commitment to the process of adaptation at the deeper level of habit. Bateson argued that in a system where adaptations are not allowed, as in Von Neumann’s unstable game, it is logical to assume that the individual involved will experience extreme disruption and pain. He will be caught in a perpetual sequence of double-binds, situations in which there is always a penalty for being right.”
Foundations of family therapy. A conceptual framework for systems change, Lynn Hoffman. Basic Books Inc. 1981

It seems viable to incorporate the notions of game theory and games into a visual language to promote healthy ways of relating, and not least because games are played for entertainment, they are fun.
A study of games for children has so far revealed a reflection of damaging values. Games still available and presumably still being played by children include Happy Families, illustrating an inaccurate and stereotyped family unit and way of life, Old Maid, again depicting fixed gender roles but where the emphasis is that men generally have the jobs, and such ‘playground games as ’stone, paper, scissors’ where there are cyclical power relations at play.

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New Research on Alienated Children
by Daniel H. Swerdlow-Freed, Ph.D.

(Daniel H. Swerdlow-Freed, Ph.D.is a Licensed Psychologist.

Several years ago, our newsletter featured an article on parental alienation, in which we summarized Richard Gardner’s proposition that parental alienation syndrome, or PAS, was a diagnosable disorder with distinct features. Over the past several years, his opinions have received much criticism and led mental health professionals to formulate research-based explanations of the dynamics that cause children to reject contact with a parent. On the basis of their research, Drs. Joan Kelly and Janet Johnston recently published a new theory of the alienated child, which we believe advances understanding of this complicated issue. Since this topic is of interest to so many of our readers, we are providing a summary of their paper. **

Kelly and Johnston define an alienated child as “…one who expresses, freely and persistently, unreasonable negative feelings and beliefs (such as anger, hatred, rejection, and/or fear) toward a parent that are significantly disproportionate to the child’s actual experience with that parent.” Their definition requires that the child’s behavior toward and relationship with the alienated parent should be the primary focus, rather than the behavior of the alienating parent, as Gardner suggested. Furthermore, they note the importance of differentiating the alienated child from other children who resist contact with a parent for realistic or developmentally appropriate reasons.

This new formulation conceptualizes a child’s relationship to each parent as falling along a continuum from positive to negative. At its most healthy end, a child enjoys a positive relationship with both parents and wants to spend approximately equal time with each of them. The next position is for children who have an affinity with one parent. These children feel closer to, and prefer to spend more time with one parent but desire substantial contact with the other parent.

Some children express a consistent preference for either their mother or father during the marriage, and have formed an alliance with that parent. Following separation or divorce, these children may desire limited contact with the non-preferred parent, although they do not completely rejecting this individual. Alliances often develop because of unhealthy dynamics that existed during the marriage, intense post-divorce conflict or children’s moral assessment of their parent’s behavior. Such alliances have the potential to become unhealthy, particularly if parental conflict continues at a high level. Two factors that distinguish allied from alienated children are that the former are willing to acknowledge positive feelings for the non-preferred parent, and they can articulate credible reasons for seeking reduced contact with that individual.

Children who have witnessed or been subjected to violence, abuse or neglect, are at increased risk to become estranged from the parent who perpetrated these acts, although their feelings about that parent may only be expressed after separation has occurred and a sense of safety has developed. A child may also become estranged from a parent who is extremely immature and self-centered, consistently unreliable or inadequate, or chronically angry, rigid or critical. While estranged children may present as if they are alienated, they differ from alienated children because their fear and anger have a basis in reality and their attitudes and behavior are in proportion to these experiences.

At the unhealthy end of the continuum is the alienated child, who completely rejects a parent without showing any guilt or ambivalence, and refuses all contact with that individual. Severe distortions and exaggerations often characterize the child’s reports about the relationship with the rejected parent. Close scrutiny reveals that these youngsters are often responding to dynamics that occurred during the divorce process, to ill-advised parental behavior and to their own psychological vulnerabilities.

Using a systems framework, Kelly and Johnston identified a series of factors and child responses that are critical to accurate diagnosis and effective intervention. They determined that while risk factors vary from one case to another, they often contain the following components: a child who has become triangulated in the parental conflict, a spouse who experienced the decision to divorce as a profound humiliation, an ongoing pattern of intense conflict and litigation, and to the involvement of new partners, extended family or other professionals who purposely or unwittingly contribute to conflict.

If a child perceives that s/he has been abandoned by a parent, that child is vulnerable to become alienated. Feelings of abandonment may occur when a parent leaves the marital home, when a child is seriously confused about the reasons for the separation or divorce, or when a parent begins a new love relationship and devotes less attention to the child. In some cases, separation followed by long periods with no contact between the nonresidential parent and the child can exacerbate the child’s sense of abandonment.

Children who were psychologically vulnerable prior to separation often lack the resiliency to cope with the pressures that accompany divorce. Some children find it easier to deal with anxiety and uncertainty by siding with one parent against the other, and thereby securing the preferred parent’s loyalty. Children who do have good reality testing may become confused by events they witness or overhear, and are vulnerable to misinterpret or misunderstand their meaning, especially if they cannot discuss these situations with a caring adult who can help them make an independent evaluation of their experience.

Through our work with divorced children and parents, we know that no single factor produces an alienated child, and that these convoluted, difficult situations threaten the psychological well being of each family member. We believe, along with Kelly and Johnston, that a comprehensive assessment is needed to clarify the multiple factors that have led a child to reject a parent with whom s/he previously enjoyed a meaningful relationship. Only with the benefit of such an evaluation, can each pertinent factor be identified and accounted for, and an effective intervention strategy planned and implemented.

** Kelly, J. B. & Johnston, J. R. The Alienated Child: A Reformulation of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Family Court Review. Vol. 39, Num. 3, 249-266.

 http://www.psychologyinfo.com/forensic/alienated-children.html

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Parental Alienation Syndrome Suffered By 1 Out Of 4 Children Involved In A Divorce

One out of four children involved in a divorce and custody litigation undergoes the so-called Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), consisting of the manipulation of children by the custodial parent, who incessantly tries to turn them against the other parent by arousing in them feelings of hatred and contempt for the target parent, as explained in the book Marital Conflicts, Divorce, and Children’s Development (Conflictos matrimoniales, divorcio y desarrollo de los hijos, edited by Piramide), by professors Jose Canton Duarte, Ma Rosario Cortes Arboleda, and Ma Dolores Justicia Diaz, from the Department of Evolutionary and Educational Psychology of the University of Granada

In the 1980’s, PAS was defined by scientist Richard Gardner of Columbia University. Men are usually the target parent, since in most cases the mother has custody of the child.

According to Mª Rosario Cortés, “the so-called alienating parent is the one who has custody and uses it to brainwash the child, turning him or her against the alienated parent”. In most cases, the process is very subtle the custodial parent stating such things as “if I just told you some more things about your father/mother…”, or by making the child feel sorry for “abandoning” every time he or she visits the alienated parent.

As pointed out by the group of researchers of the University of Granada, there are many other factors which influence PAS apart from the unacceptable attitude of the custodial parent, such as children’s psychological vulnerability, the character and behaviour of parents, dynamics among brothers, or the existing conflicts between the two divorced parents. Very often children not only reject their father, but also his family and close friends. Grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins, and the new partner of the non-custodial parent are also affected by this syndrome, and children undergoing PAS can even “expel them from their life.”

Symptoms

Among other symptoms, Professor Cortés points out that children tend to find continual justifications for the alienating parent’s attitude. They denigrate the target parent, relate negative feelings unambivalently towards that parent, deny being influenced by anyone (pleading responsibility for their attitude), feel no guilt for denigrating the alienated parent, or recount events which were not experienced but rather came from listening to others.

The authors of Marital Conflicts, Divorce, and Children’s Development, state that PAS is more frequent among children aged 9 to 12 than among teenagers, and that there are no relevant gender differences in PAS.

According to Mª Rosario Cortés, the Parental Alienation Syndrome occurs most frequently in cases where parents are involved in divorce litigation, while it is not usual when the decision to seek divorce is mutual. The professor of the UGR underlines that in every case of SAP, “the family must be provided with a family-mediation programme for equal treatment of all members affected by this problem, which is increasingly more frequent.”

—————————-
Article adapted by Medical News Today from original press release.
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http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/94733.php

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Parental Alienation for a targeted parent is like a twister, you never see it coming and in a matter of minutes your whole world is turned upside down.  Parental Alienation does not happen in a minute but when a parent goes through the stages time stands still. Many parents are going through different stages of emotion. Some play the role where on the outside they plant a smile and look happy to get through the day while others fall into deep depression. I have been disturbed by the latest media articles about the recent deaths to parents and children due to court orders and child support.  As the decades go by this country has lost the ability to have solid family values which include both parents.

These types of situations are hard to deal with or even share with friends. You feel alone and are hitting brick walls trying to receive justice in the court room. The title of Parent has been legally stripped away from your life, oh but wait keep paying the child support. You might sit down and share with a friend and the story sounds more like a novel than a true life story, you watch as their facial expressions capture the shock and confusion. They just can’t relate and completely understand if you’re telling the truth then why don’t you have your children.  We all have our days and I have heard it said that Parental Alienation is like mourning the death of your child without them dying, there is no closure. I think it is best to review the stages of grief to relate the steps in your life. Children go through the same stages but at different times and not in any order.  Keep in mind this is for grieving a death but there are similar characteristics in the loss of your children, we will never “get over” the loss but we can do so in a healthy manner while you wait for them to return.

Here is the grief model called “The 7 Stages of Grief”:

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the loss on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

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Join me as I host Get Your Justice Live on Thursday Night at 8pm est with special Guest Kimberly Pressley from Coloring Away Pain. I’m pleased to announce a new resource for Parental Alienation for your children/grandchild ren. This is a great opportunity to share this information with your child’s school or therapist or even purchase one for your child. For more information on this new resource join us at 8 pm EST on Thursday September 17Th.

 Live Call In Number: 724-444-7444
Talk Cast Id Number: 39517 Pin 1#

FREE LIVE CHAT STARTS AT 8PM EST
http://budurl. com/liveshowtime chat

 Kimberly Pressley-Herrick is the founder of Coloring Away Pain and The Foundation for Coloring Away Pain. Kimberly is a native South Floridian, a single mother of three with a passion for writing and helping others. Kimberly’s children share in the desire to help others and are responsible for the art work featured on our line of note cards.

Coloring Away Pain is dedicated to bringing playful resources to children dealing with difficult life situations. By addressing issues such as bullying, death of a loved one, a deployed parent, or a natural disaster through the use of animal characters and easily digested stories, children often are able to open up and express themselves. The coloring books each encourage a child to explore a subject with the animal characters, answer thought provoking questions, and draw freely in addition to the standard coloring activities. Coloring Away Pain originally began in response to the Hurricane Katrina disaster. Now, Coloring Away Pain has over 15 titles in publication and has been translated into multiple languages. 

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Coloring Away Pain was a new edition to resources for children battling the issues of divorce and parental alienation. Chrissy from Parental Alienation Hurts was joined by founder Kimberly Pressley Herrick of Coloring Away Pain. In this interview Kimberly shared how Coloring Away Pain came to be and her new book “I Wonder” regarding  the topic of Parental Alienation. Kimberly not plagued by parental alienation  in her own family was requested by a parent to add this topic to her list of coloring books.

 

 EPISODE265 - Kimberly Pressley-Herrick: Coloring Away Pain [57:07m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

The Foundation for Coloring Away Pain is a 501 ( C ) 3 organization that has over 15 titles for school age children. These various titles cover difficult situations ranging from death to eating healthy. The coloring books allow children to find answers to difficult questions as well as express themselves in a healthy manner. Get Your Justice Live encourages parents to introduce this new resource to your local schools and communities.

There are titles for a variety of different situations, including parental alienation and divorce.

I Wonder

Taryn is a little girl whose parents are divorced. Lately, she has been hearing some very confusing things. With no one to talk to, Taryn turns to her closest friend, Noodle. Read how Noodle answers Taryn’s questions and provides comfort. This coloring and activity book deals with the sensitive topic of Parental Alienation.

Divorce

Parker the Penguin finds out his parents are going to get a divorce. See how his story unfolds and how Parker puts the pieces of his broken family back together and learns that a new life, even if it’s different, can be great too.

Coloring Away Pain is also known for donating books to children when a major disaster takes place. This is a true organization that cares about the children and what life has dealt them. You can help Coloring Away Pain by donating boxes of crayons or by participating in the Quarters for Crayons fundraiser. This would be a great fundraiser for schools so children can realize they are helping other children across the country and world.

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A very good question I have often asked this year is “Who hears the children when they cry?”  Adolescents who have to face the heart wrenching effects of divorce lose a piece of their child like faith. As a natural instinct children become wiser in earlier years. They are challenging their minds to understand and cope with the inner workings of why and how. In most cases the psychological aspect of how can I fix this comes into play and is sometimes encouraged by one of the adults. As adults we know the cause and effects of why and how and unlike movie fairy tales, parents do not reconcile because the child wishes it to be.

Divorce is painful, but in healthy cases where both parents keep the focus on the children it can be rewarding. There are many trained professionals that can help in Collaborative Law practices across the United States. The truth remains that in some of these cases parents can’t work on the issues and the child becomes the reward or punishment to the detriment of the child and other parent.  When I use the word punishment it is not in a physical sense but more in the context that the child will be used to make a parent be held accountable for leaving the relationship. The hostile parent goes out of their way to deny the child to the targeted parent claiming abandonment by the targeted parent.  The old saying children learn what they live is a great explanation of alienation. They have brains like a computer and store knowledge and repeat what they are programmed to do. Some children are strong enough to see through the bad programming and others fall prey to the abuse. 

Parents forget in the quiet time a child spends pondering on their life when no one is looking that there are tears shed on those pillows. Who wipes the tears away, no one because they can’t be seen or exposed?  The child has to survive and have their own mechanisms for coping. As targeted parents you wish you could be there and want to help. The courts tie the hands of the parent and give the status name of NCP or weekend warriors.  The child is caught in the cross fire and is torn until they break and take on the role as alienators helper. The next stage is to take on the alienators’ behavior and “morals”.  A child just doesn’t hate until they are taught to do so or if they are using a self coping mechanism.  The anger for some children begins to feel real and it gains a new bond with the alienator. They share a common ground that makes them feel an allegiance towards each other.

As a child I shared a bond with my father that I never had and didn’t want to lose it. It is hard for a child to determine was is real and fantasy when the source is your parent.  A child holds this pain and if they were like me have shed many tears on their pillows.  We are fighting for these children but have many that are trying to “debunk” that Parental Alienation exists.  If you read this blog you understand the surface of all the pain and how real these circumstances are.

Parents feel at a loss because resources are slim for judicial help and therapists. Many times the emotional roller coaster of what works is shot down after an emotional high. The solutions to one case are not the same for all. We must do our best to research and educate professionals in your area with facts about Parental Alienation. Even if we hit brick roads we must keep pursuing other avenues until we can break down the wall to these children.  So in time that these professionals can help us wipe these tears away or even prevent them from happening.

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Thursday night I had the pleasure of debuting as a host on Get Your Justice Live. The show was inspiring to many parents and professionals in the field of Divorce/Parental Alienation. In the past ten years there has been many resources shedding light on the topic of parental alienation.  In a country where the divorce statistics rise dramatically every year more children might be at risk for an alienation situation. The numbers are alarming and parental alienation is a hidden number in many cases. Many parents are still puzzled and don’t fully comprehend what is happening to them or that there is a term for the situation.  On this show we were able to explore the child and how parents can stay healthy as well as understand the child perspective. It was a show that covered many levels of Parental Alienation. I was pleased that this is a great example of sharing the awareness of Parental Alienation can open the eyes of professionals.  Parents often ask how can they help their children and the professionals understand the dynamics of parental alienation.  There is no easy answer for children but we have future resources on the show that can help all involved in this abuse.

Dr Caron Goode is now expanding her academy to include Parental Alienation and other High conflict issues in the near future. If you missed this episode please visit http://www.getyourjusticelive.com  and you can hear the pod cast.  This is the beginning of many new resources that I will bring forward to help parents, children, and professionals.

Dr Caron Goode is the author “Help Kids Deal With Stress and Trauma”  She is the director of the Academy of  Coaching International. She is quoted often as a parenting expert and her articles have appeared in over 300 publications globally; including Colorado Parent, Convergence, The JoyfulChild, Energy, Black Family Digest and Better Homes and Gardens and Parenting print media. Caron’s is a frequent radio show guest speaking on topics like “Parenting Outside the Box.”                                                                   http://www.academyforcoachingparents.com

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Dr Caron Goode founder of Academy for Coaching Parents International was a premier guest on Get your Justice Live. Dr Goode shared with us the different aspects of divorce and the effects on both parents and children. Parents were explained how to identify, heal and prevent stress, and anxiety in hostile situations including parental alienation.  This show was an asset for education about children dealing with trauma driven relationships with alienating parents. Caron’s advise and input was very inspirational to the listeners about the struggles families face when confronted with divorce and high conflict situations.

 

 EPISODE260 - Chrissy from Parental Alienation Hurts w/ Dr. Caron Goode [1:16:51m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Parents were also educated on the benefits of Parenting Coaching and how it can help to co-parent your children after divorce. The Academy for Parent Coaching International includes specialty niches such as children with special needs, Co-Parenting, Single Parents, Tweens and Teens, and repairing relationships.

She is quoted often as a parenting expert and her articles have appeared in over 300 publications globally; including Colorado Parent, Convergence, The JoyfulChild, Energy, Black Family Digest and Better Homes and Gardens and Parenting print media. Caron’s is a frequent radio show guest speaking on topics like “Parenting Outside the Box.” She also is a co author for the book Help Kids Cope with Stress and Trauma.

Parental Alienation Hurts and Get Your Justice Live will offer guests such as Dr Caron Goode to help assist families and professionals. Join me every Thursday at 8pm EST when I cover the topics of divorce and parental alienation.

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