Military Wars on the Homefront
Soldiers go off to war everyday and fight for our freedom. They put themselves in harm way for the sake of their family and ours. I myself have family that has been in the trenches over seas. The media often displays joyful family pictures upon their arrival home. What is not often a topic of discussion is when they return to find that they have limited or no access to their children. This gives a new meaning to the phrase “Wounded In Battle.” These men and women return home to grieve for their children after their act of heroism.
Men and women come home to find the children they think about everyday will not be able to be embraced. In some cases they come home to a court order for support or no knowledge of where their children are. The NY Times as well as many other media resources released a story of a mother gaining visitation through the court system. The result in this case was a victory for the mother. We should not forget the fathers that come home to the same result and have no victory or media coverage.
Our soldiers come home from one war to fight another on the home front. We should grieve for the fathers and mothers who come home to fight in court for their children. I thank all the soldiers for their years of service and dedication to our country.
Family Court Gives Soldier Visitation in Custody Case
The specialist, Leydi Mendoza, 22, said after the hearing that she was delighted by the judge’s temporary order and already knew how she would spend the time with her daughter, Elizabeth. “I’m going to eat with her,” Specialist Mendoza said, laughing, “and finally potty-train her.”
Elizabeth’s father, Daniel Llares, who had prevented Specialist Mendoza from spending more than a few hours with their child for fear of disrupting her routine, said through his lawyer that he was satisfied with the ruling. After several hours of negotiations among the parents, their lawyers and a mediator failed to resolve the standoff, a Passaic County Family Court judge, George F. Rohde Jr., approved a temporary agreement that would allow Mr. Llares to retain residential custody of Elizabeth but grant Specialist Mendoza the right to see the girl every day and take her home on weekends.
“This has never been about keeping the baby from her mother,” said the father’s lawyer, Amy Lefkowitz. “It’s about making a transition that will be appropriate for a child of this age.”
Despite her relief at having won more generous access to her daughter, Specialist Mendoza and her lawyer, Ed Concepcion, said she would still press for full custody.
“This is about the bond between a mother and her child,” Mr. Concepcion said.
The Pentagon does not keep statistics on custody disputes, but military family counselors said they knew of at least five recent cases around the country similar to the struggle over Elizabeth, in which a mother who served overseas is fighting for more access to her child. Congressional leaders are negotiating over legislation to strengthen custody rights of service men and women who are deployed overseas; similar bills passed the House and Senate and must be reconciled.
Some advocates say an unspoken bias against mothers who leave their young children for overseas duty has heightened both legal barriers and social stigma when these women try to resume their role as active parents.
After Elizabeth was born in June 2007, Specialist Mendoza and Mr. Llares lived with the baby at his parents’ home in Wayne, N.J. When it became clear that Specialist Mendoza would be sent overseas, she agonized over whether to leave her daughter, and she and Mr. Llares ultimately agreed to a written military family care plan that granted him temporary custody while she was gone.
“I wanted Elizabeth to grow up and be proud that her mother had served her country,” Specialist Mendoza, who is attending Montclair State University in Montclair, N.J., said before Tuesday’s decision. “And we needed the health care and the military benefits and the help paying for my school.”
Specialist Mendoza, whose family lives out of state, said she ended her relationship with Mr. Llares before she and other members of the 3rd Battalion of the 112th Field Artillery unit left for Texas in July 2008, bound for Iraq. Despite the breakup, the couple agreed that she would help Mr. Llares and his parents pay for Elizabeth’s needs while overseas and assume joint custody once she returned home, Specialist Mendoza said.
But when she returned from the war, things quickly fell apart. The first time Elizabeth was reunited with her mother, both the child and Specialist Mendoza burst into tears.
Mr. Llares, also 22, severely restricted Specialist Mendoza’s visits with Elizabeth because he was concerned that the abrupt change would frighten and confuse the child, his lawyer said.
“He’s very grateful for her service to our country,” said his lawyer, Ms. Lefkowitz. “He just wants to do what’s in the best interest of their daughter.”
