Tears of a Child
A very good question I have often asked this year is “Who hears the children when they cry?” Adolescents who have to face the heart wrenching effects of divorce lose a piece of their child like faith. As a natural instinct children become wiser in earlier years. They are challenging their minds to understand and cope with the inner workings of why and how. In most cases the psychological aspect of how can I fix this comes into play and is sometimes encouraged by one of the adults. As adults we know the cause and effects of why and how and unlike movie fairy tales, parents do not reconcile because the child wishes it to be.
Divorce is painful, but in healthy cases where both parents keep the focus on the children it can be rewarding. There are many trained professionals that can help in Collaborative Law practices across the United States. The truth remains that in some of these cases parents can’t work on the issues and the child becomes the reward or punishment to the detriment of the child and other parent. When I use the word punishment it is not in a physical sense but more in the context that the child will be used to make a parent be held accountable for leaving the relationship. The hostile parent goes out of their way to deny the child to the targeted parent claiming abandonment by the targeted parent. The old saying children learn what they live is a great explanation of alienation. They have brains like a computer and store knowledge and repeat what they are programmed to do. Some children are strong enough to see through the bad programming and others fall prey to the abuse.
Parents forget in the quiet time a child spends pondering on their life when no one is looking that there are tears shed on those pillows. Who wipes the tears away, no one because they can’t be seen or exposed? The child has to survive and have their own mechanisms for coping. As targeted parents you wish you could be there and want to help. The courts tie the hands of the parent and give the status name of NCP or weekend warriors. The child is caught in the cross fire and is torn until they break and take on the role as alienators helper. The next stage is to take on the alienators’ behavior and “morals”. A child just doesn’t hate until they are taught to do so or if they are using a self coping mechanism. The anger for some children begins to feel real and it gains a new bond with the alienator. They share a common ground that makes them feel an allegiance towards each other.
As a child I shared a bond with my father that I never had and didn’t want to lose it. It is hard for a child to determine was is real and fantasy when the source is your parent. A child holds this pain and if they were like me have shed many tears on their pillows. We are fighting for these children but have many that are trying to “debunk” that Parental Alienation exists. If you read this blog you understand the surface of all the pain and how real these circumstances are.
Parents feel at a loss because resources are slim for judicial help and therapists. Many times the emotional roller coaster of what works is shot down after an emotional high. The solutions to one case are not the same for all. We must do our best to research and educate professionals in your area with facts about Parental Alienation. Even if we hit brick roads we must keep pursuing other avenues until we can break down the wall to these children. So in time that these professionals can help us wipe these tears away or even prevent them from happening.
