Comments on: About http://parentalalienationhurts.com Parental Alienation Hurts. Official Blogs, Links, and Resources Mon, 09 Aug 2010 20:34:18 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: TCunningham http://parentalalienationhurts.com/about/comment-page-1/#comment-1656 TCunningham Tue, 15 Dec 2009 14:39:51 +0000 http://parentalalienationhurts.com/?page_id=2#comment-1656 I was a child of parental alienation. Unfortunately, when I eagerly sought out my father, he lived up to every negative perception that was cast on him. I tried from ages 18-33 to have a consistent relationship with him but it has not worked. I am one of eleven children he sired and has a broken relationship with all of us in which he puts forth no effort to repair. He even married a woman with five children and has been of no more support to them than he has to his bio children. This man is broken sadly. If when I found him, he was in better shape and made a genuine effort to bond w/ me, I would have clung to him and been able to leave my man-hating, manipulating, abusive mother. Just this year w/ the help of counsel and some deep soul searching I have decided that I must release him; I owe him nothing. I have tried and I am no longer obligated to keep reaching out to someone who is only a taker and emotional vampire. Now I am married w/ two boys. We have a daughter that lives w/ her bio mom and stepfather and we have not seen her for six years. This too is a severe case of alienation. And it's also intergenerational. Her mother and grandmother were also alienated from their bio fathers. We have been through the courts, tried "playing" by the mother's rules, going through family members...any and everyone that we thought could and would help us just to maintain contact w/ our daughter. And we have been crushed by this. I feel like it's a nightmare that I can't wake up from. We are currently in therapy, marital and individual sessions are required for us. We have come to understand that when you have a severe case of alienation on your hands that you MUST find creative ways to show your love and support to your child. Even if means that the child may not see it right then and there. One MUST take very good care of themselves so when your child finds you, they will find more than just years of broken and bitterness. This type of parenting is called CULT PARENTHOOD. One way I find relief is to read and research as much material as I can realistically withstand. This September we tried once again to make contact with her. We left a card w/ pics in it at her school. She called us immediately after leaving school that day. It was surreal and a short conversation but she finally called. Since then, she and her father exchanged phone numbers and have been texting messages here and there. It's more than we've had for so long. She did express to her father that she desires to see us. BUT we can not overlook the facts. That she lives w/ her bio mom and her mother's family all support the mother's decision to keep my husband at bay. They have made up in their minds that it's my husband who chooses to stay away. The reality is he refuses to allow his daughter to be used to carry out the mother's endless vindictiveness. Our daughter has been programmed just like an animal of the wild. She wants to see my husband destroyed by this situation...but that's not an option. We have maintained our silence w/ anyone on that side except w/ our daughter. And we must face the sad reality that she may be very damaged when we finally reunite w/ her. Her and father, at least, will need to enter counseling. PA is CHILD ABUSE. And it's so rampant that women (and to also state that women are alienated too not just men) often brag about the fact that they are the ones "who allow" the father to see the children. Parents that do this are sick. Mentally ill. They consider themselves the "savior" parent or superior parent who can make and break the rules as they see fit. And for alot of them there is no rehabilitation. Remember, this is usually intergenerational. So they have a whole support system to back up their belief that they are protecting these children from the bad parent. My husband is my hero. He has a great relationship w/ our boys and it helps him to overcome so much of the hurt and guilt. Our daughter has no choice (or at least she feels) but to stick w/ her bio mom. They have made her financially dependent on them and have tried to sever all ties to her father. We have nothing to say to them...ever. I pray that one day our daughter realize how she was manipulated but I know the devastation that comes w/ realizing that you were used to carry your parent's hatred and bitterness for the other parent. Right now, my mother is still in denial and believes she was the victim. She is bitter and sad and so far in denial that there is no rehabilitating her either. I'm in therapy for me and my children because when I realize how dysfunctional both my parents were and still are, I know that it's nothing short of a miracle that I survived this. I refuse to pass this curse onto my children. My mother kept me from my father yet she abused me on a daily basis and allowed me to be abused by others. My bio father is so engulfed in himself that there's no rehabilitating him either. I am having to reach out find both mother and father role models that I can give that love to. Alienating children do want to know the other half of their families. And they will seek the truth. My children deserve both their parents; it's THEIR right not mine. I pray that my husband and I grow old together BUT if not, he's still their DAD not mine and they have every right to have complete access to him anytime they so desire. The best thing I could do for them in that situation is support everyone involved and make sure I am building a loving and long lasting relationship w/ them so they too can become loving parents one day if they desire to. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR CHILDREN! I was a child of parental alienation. Unfortunately, when I eagerly sought out my father, he lived up to every negative perception that was cast on him. I tried from ages 18-33 to have a consistent relationship with him but it has not worked. I am one of eleven children he sired and has a broken relationship with all of us in which he puts forth no effort to repair. He even married a woman with five children and has been of no more support to them than he has to his bio children. This man is broken sadly. If when I found him, he was in better shape and made a genuine effort to bond w/ me, I would have clung to him and been able to leave my man-hating, manipulating, abusive mother. Just this year w/ the help of counsel and some deep soul searching I have decided that I must release him; I owe him nothing. I have tried and I am no longer obligated to keep reaching out to someone who is only a taker and emotional vampire. Now I am married w/ two boys. We have a daughter that lives w/ her bio mom and stepfather and we have not seen her for six years. This too is a severe case of alienation. And it’s also intergenerational. Her mother and grandmother were also alienated from their bio fathers. We have been through the courts, tried “playing” by the mother’s rules, going through family members…any and everyone that we thought could and would help us just to maintain contact w/ our daughter. And we have been crushed by this. I feel like it’s a nightmare that I can’t wake up from. We are currently in therapy, marital and individual sessions are required for us. We have come to understand that when you have a severe case of alienation on your hands that you MUST find creative ways to show your love and support to your child. Even if means that the child may not see it right then and there. One MUST take very good care of themselves so when your child finds you, they will find more than just years of broken and bitterness. This type of parenting is called CULT PARENTHOOD. One way I find relief is to read and research as much material as I can realistically withstand. This September we tried once again to make contact with her. We left a card w/ pics in it at her school. She called us immediately after leaving school that day. It was surreal and a short conversation but she finally called. Since then, she and her father exchanged phone numbers and have been texting messages here and there. It’s more than we’ve had for so long. She did express to her father that she desires to see us. BUT we can not overlook the facts. That she lives w/ her bio mom and her mother’s family all support the mother’s decision to keep my husband at bay. They have made up in their minds that it’s my husband who chooses to stay away. The reality is he refuses to allow his daughter to be used to carry out the mother’s endless vindictiveness. Our daughter has been programmed just like an animal of the wild. She wants to see my husband destroyed by this situation…but that’s not an option. We have maintained our silence w/ anyone on that side except w/ our daughter. And we must face the sad reality that she may be very damaged when we finally reunite w/ her. Her and father, at least, will need to enter counseling. PA is CHILD ABUSE. And it’s so rampant that women (and to also state that women are alienated too not just men) often brag about the fact that they are the ones “who allow” the father to see the children. Parents that do this are sick. Mentally ill. They consider themselves the “savior” parent or superior parent who can make and break the rules as they see fit. And for alot of them there is no rehabilitation. Remember, this is usually intergenerational. So they have a whole support system to back up their belief that they are protecting these children from the bad parent. My husband is my hero. He has a great relationship w/ our boys and it helps him to overcome so much of the hurt and guilt. Our daughter has no choice (or at least she feels) but to stick w/ her bio mom. They have made her financially dependent on them and have tried to sever all ties to her father. We have nothing to say to them…ever. I pray that one day our daughter realize how she was manipulated but I know the devastation that comes w/ realizing that you were used to carry your parent’s hatred and bitterness for the other parent. Right now, my mother is still in denial and believes she was the victim. She is bitter and sad and so far in denial that there is no rehabilitating her either. I’m in therapy for me and my children because when I realize how dysfunctional both my parents were and still are, I know that it’s nothing short of a miracle that I survived this. I refuse to pass this curse onto my children. My mother kept me from my father yet she abused me on a daily basis and allowed me to be abused by others. My bio father is so engulfed in himself that there’s no rehabilitating him either. I am having to reach out find both mother and father role models that I can give that love to. Alienating children do want to know the other half of their families. And they will seek the truth. My children deserve both their parents; it’s THEIR right not mine. I pray that my husband and I grow old together BUT if not, he’s still their DAD not mine and they have every right to have complete access to him anytime they so desire. The best thing I could do for them in that situation is support everyone involved and make sure I am building a loving and long lasting relationship w/ them so they too can become loving parents one day if they desire to. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR CHILDREN!

]]> By: Maureen http://parentalalienationhurts.com/about/comment-page-1/#comment-1655 Maureen Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:31:50 +0000 http://parentalalienationhurts.com/?page_id=2#comment-1655 Hargrove, I don't know of successful reconciliation, but I do, personally, know a father & daughter (my husband & stepdaughter) who survived alienation attempts throughout her childhood. I'm thinking it was just a lucky confluence, though, of: 1) a father who patiently continued to love his daughter, fight for time with her (where he simply was a good, kind father which rebutted mom's stories to the contrary) and never 'fought back' on her level, always respected his daughter's relationship with her mother, no matter how messed up mom's attitude was towards him. 2) a child who was strong, intelligent, resourceful & loving 3) a mother who wasn't quite crafty enough to win at the manipulation game The victim, in the end, was mom & daughter's relationship, unfortunately. I'm still hoping that they figure out a way to repair that some day. Hargrove, I don’t know of successful reconciliation, but I do, personally, know a father & daughter (my husband & stepdaughter) who survived alienation attempts throughout her childhood. I’m thinking it was just a lucky confluence, though, of:

1) a father who patiently continued to love his daughter, fight for time with her (where he simply was a good, kind father which rebutted mom’s stories to the contrary) and never ‘fought back’ on her level, always respected his daughter’s relationship with her mother, no matter how messed up mom’s attitude was towards him.
2) a child who was strong, intelligent, resourceful & loving
3) a mother who wasn’t quite crafty enough to win at the manipulation game

The victim, in the end, was mom & daughter’s relationship, unfortunately. I’m still hoping that they figure out a way to repair that some day.

]]> By: Hargrove http://parentalalienationhurts.com/about/comment-page-1/#comment-1649 Hargrove Sat, 14 Nov 2009 09:57:29 +0000 http://parentalalienationhurts.com/?page_id=2#comment-1649 Janet Arango, you express the sentiment as I experience it, amazement! It is amazing that a child who has received love, support, kindness, can turn on their benefactor with a hatred that is so deep it is unfathomable. You can only believe it because it is true, and you keep testing it to make sure that it is true. I've never observed a good alienating parent, yet they're so good at alienating. Like you said about Chrissy, it is amazing she got through it, but she did not say that she was reconciled with her mother. From what I can see, the alienated parent becomes repugnant to the child, in the same way as animals desire or reject something, when they've been subjected to a conditioned response. In Pavlov's theory, ringing a bell when a dog receives food, caused the dog to have the same experience when the bell rang without food, as when food was present. I wonder if anything, except an act of God, can overcome it. I am not aware of an alienated child having a good relationship with the parent they were alienated from. Please let me know of any cases of successful reconciliation, and that doesn't include "playing nice." I'm talking about loving, freely interactive, spontaneous relationships. Janet Arango, you express the sentiment as I experience it, amazement! It is amazing that a child who has received love, support, kindness, can turn on their benefactor with a hatred that is so deep it is unfathomable. You can only believe it because it is true, and you keep testing it to make sure that it is true.
I’ve never observed a good alienating parent, yet they’re so good at alienating. Like you said about Chrissy, it is amazing she got through it, but she did not say that she was reconciled with her mother. From what I can see, the alienated parent becomes repugnant to the child, in the same way as animals desire or reject something, when they’ve been subjected to a conditioned response.

In Pavlov’s theory, ringing a bell when a dog receives food, caused the dog to have the same experience when the bell rang without food, as when food was present.

I wonder if anything, except an act of God, can overcome it. I am not aware of an alienated child having a good relationship with the parent they were alienated from.

Please let me know of any cases of successful reconciliation, and that doesn’t include “playing nice.” I’m talking about loving, freely interactive, spontaneous relationships.

]]> By: Kimber Adams http://parentalalienationhurts.com/about/comment-page-1/#comment-1640 Kimber Adams Tue, 15 Sep 2009 20:19:15 +0000 http://parentalalienationhurts.com/?page_id=2#comment-1640 Would you be interested in reviewing my new book? Your site looks great! Would you be interested in reviewing my new book? Your site looks great!

]]> By: Monika Logan http://parentalalienationhurts.com/about/comment-page-1/#comment-1639 Monika Logan Sun, 13 Sep 2009 02:10:52 +0000 http://parentalalienationhurts.com/?page_id=2#comment-1639 Hi Chrissy! Thank you for your work--writing from Texas. I am adding your link to my page. I am glad to find others bringing PAS to the forefront. Hi Chrissy! Thank you for your work–writing from Texas. I am adding your link to my page. I am glad to find others bringing PAS to the forefront.

]]> By: Janet Arango http://parentalalienationhurts.com/about/comment-page-1/#comment-1637 Janet Arango Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:18:05 +0000 http://parentalalienationhurts.com/?page_id=2#comment-1637 Chrissy, I'm amazed that you found your way out of the lies. I am the mother of six children and they hate the ground I walk on. I wish there was something I could do. They are actually adults now and nothing has changed. Some of them even know that they made horrible, false reports against me, and still they can not wake up enough to even speak to me. It is as though I am a dead person walking. I loved and still love my children. It is amazing... Chrissy,
I’m amazed that you found your way out of the lies.
I am the mother of six children and they hate the ground I walk on.
I wish there was something I could do. They are actually adults now and nothing has changed. Some of them even know that they made horrible, false reports against me, and still they can not wake up enough to even speak to me. It is as though I am a dead person walking. I loved and still love my children.
It is amazing…

]]> By: Donna Johnson Davis http://parentalalienationhurts.com/about/comment-page-1/#comment-1633 Donna Johnson Davis Fri, 04 Sep 2009 18:34:16 +0000 http://parentalalienationhurts.com/?page_id=2#comment-1633 Hi Chrissy! I am a scarred mother over parental alienation. My ex moved my oldest daughter (now 19) out of CA to Iowa and literally "brainwashed" her into thinking it was ME that chose to be out of her life. We were not allowed any contact with each-other due to the step mom & dad. They lied about me. They scarred my little girl. Now she is bitter & angry at me. I recently called her & we exchanged emails. We talk on the phone once or twice a month. But she sounds like her dad. She accuses me of walking out. She says she can't trust me and she says she wants to "forgive me but doesn't know how". I am quite baffled by her statements. I get upset because she doesn't know the truth. When I try to explain - she gets mad at me. I walk on egg shells with her to avoid losing her for another 15 years. I pray and I want to have patience. I live in Florida now with my hubby and our 4 little kids. My life is great. I want Koreen to be a part of my life now. She was raised away from me and she doesn't know me. She calls me Donna - not mom. She says her step mom is her "real mom" Even though this hurts, I need help. I don't ask for help but I've never been through this before. Please help me, guide me, show me what to do. She hurts mentally and thinks I caused it all when her dad moved her away from me. All those years I cried and wrote letters but wasn't allowed contact. I love hearing her voice but she is so angry, bitter, not trusting of me. Am I wasting my time???? I love her too much to just let her go completely. HELP Hi Chrissy! I am a scarred mother over parental alienation. My ex moved my oldest daughter (now 19) out of CA to Iowa and literally “brainwashed” her into thinking it was ME that chose to be out of her life. We were not allowed any contact with each-other due to the step mom & dad. They lied about me. They scarred my little girl. Now she is bitter & angry at me. I recently called her & we exchanged emails. We talk on the phone once or twice a month. But she sounds like her dad. She accuses me of walking out. She says she can’t trust me and she says she wants to “forgive me but doesn’t know how”. I am quite baffled by her statements. I get upset because she doesn’t know the truth. When I try to explain – she gets mad at me. I walk on egg shells with her to avoid losing her for another 15 years. I pray and I want to have patience. I live in Florida now with my hubby and our 4 little kids. My life is great. I want Koreen to be a part of my life now. She was raised away from me and she doesn’t know me. She calls me Donna – not mom. She says her step mom is her “real mom” Even though this hurts, I need help. I don’t ask for help but I’ve never been through this before. Please help me, guide me, show me what to do. She hurts mentally and thinks I caused it all when her dad moved her away from me. All those years I cried and wrote letters but wasn’t allowed contact. I love hearing her voice but she is so angry, bitter, not trusting of me. Am I wasting my time???? I love her too much to just let her go completely. HELP

]]> By: Nick http://parentalalienationhurts.com/about/comment-page-1/#comment-1621 Nick Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:30:57 +0000 http://parentalalienationhurts.com/?page_id=2#comment-1621 Parental Alienation is alive and thriving in the UK. My Ex of over 20 years and I divorced in 2006 after she left me for another man. We have 4 children, all teenagers. I moved to Australia to start a new life and remarried in 2008. Life is great. However, when I first moved to Australia, the kids were naturally upset but pleased for me. They wanted to see me heal. We spoke every day on Skype and we planned to spend 6 weeks a year together in either the UK or Australia. Since then, things have gradually deteriorated to the extent where they now refuse to see me or speak to me. Strange thing is, I have done nothing wrong! My parents, sisters and all of her relatives are similarly "alienated". However, I am the father. Why should they NOT want to be with me or speak to me? The answer is PA. Her and her partner have subliminally destroyed me in the eyes of my kids. They can't even tell me why they don't want to see me. I'm devastated. I have not stopped loving them. My "crime" appears to have been getting remarried and having fought my Ex through the courts over the divorce settlement. She has shown details of the court case to my kids and used this to show how "mean" I was being to her and my family. There is a lot more I can say and will say but I just wanted you to know that I fully support what you are doing and its reassuring to know that you are not the only victim. I'm right with you. Parental Alienation is alive and thriving in the UK.
My Ex of over 20 years and I divorced in 2006 after she left me for another man. We have 4 children, all teenagers.
I moved to Australia to start a new life and remarried in 2008. Life is great.
However, when I first moved to Australia, the kids were naturally upset but pleased for me. They wanted to see me heal. We spoke every day on Skype and we planned to spend 6 weeks a year together in either the UK or Australia.
Since then, things have gradually deteriorated to the extent where they now refuse to see me or speak to me. Strange thing is, I have done nothing wrong!
My parents, sisters and all of her relatives are similarly “alienated”. However, I am the father. Why should they NOT want to be with me or speak to me? The answer is PA. Her and her partner have subliminally destroyed me in the eyes of my kids. They can’t even tell me why they don’t want to see me. I’m devastated. I have not stopped loving them. My “crime” appears to have been getting remarried and having fought my Ex through the courts over the divorce settlement. She has shown details of the court case to my kids and used this to show how “mean” I was being to her and my family.
There is a lot more I can say and will say but I just wanted you to know that I fully support what you are doing and its reassuring to know that you are not the only victim. I’m right with you.

]]> By: Cheryl Martone http://parentalalienationhurts.com/about/comment-page-1/#comment-1015 Cheryl Martone Wed, 22 Apr 2009 20:13:26 +0000 http://parentalalienationhurts.com/?page_id=2#comment-1015 SAVE OUR KIDS FIRST, Invites You to Attend our Annual CANDLE LIGHT VIGIL SAT. APRIL 25, 2009 7:00PM - 9:00pm on the north steps of the State CAPITOL- Hartford,CT. For Parental Alienation Awareness DAY For more information contact Ken Krajewski at 860-881-6311 saveourkidsfirst@aol.com SAVE OUR KIDS FIRST, Invites You to Attend our Annual
CANDLE LIGHT VIGIL
SAT. APRIL 25, 2009 7:00PM – 9:00pm
on the north steps of the State CAPITOL- Hartford,CT.
For Parental Alienation Awareness DAY
For more information contact Ken Krajewski at 860-881-6311
saveourkidsfirst@aol.com

]]> By: Cheryl Martone http://parentalalienationhurts.com/about/comment-page-1/#comment-1014 Cheryl Martone Wed, 22 Apr 2009 20:06:53 +0000 http://parentalalienationhurts.com/?page_id=2#comment-1014 I'm sending this important notice for : SAVE OUR KIDS FIRST Invites You to Attend Our Annual, CANDLE LIGHT VIGIL, On the North Steps of the State Capitol- Hartford, CT. For Parent Alienation DAY, Proclaimed by 15 Governors. From: 7:00pm- 9:00pm. refreshments and candles provided. For more info contact: Ken Krajewski at 860-881-6311 or John DiBiase at 203-464-8242 saveourkidsfirst@aol.com I’m sending this important notice for : SAVE OUR KIDS FIRST
Invites You to Attend Our Annual, CANDLE LIGHT VIGIL,
On the North Steps of the State Capitol- Hartford, CT.
For Parent Alienation DAY,
Proclaimed by 15 Governors.
From: 7:00pm- 9:00pm. refreshments and candles provided.
For more info contact: Ken Krajewski at 860-881-6311 or John DiBiase at 203-464-8242 saveourkidsfirst@aol.com

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